Her reaction to my statement was pure Carolyn. A combination look of surprise and "of course you did," along with her laugh. It was exactly what I expected of her.
I believe walking in the rain with her, in the intimacy of a shared umbrella, on the streets of NYC, allowed a part of me to open again.
I find this so fascinating as I am surrounded by many amazing, dear, true friends, and yet, it was the girl who knew me when who allowed a closed part of my heart to break open, in a good way, again.
When I saw Cathy, my therapist, yesterday (can I have an amen!) I literally began by talking at 3,000 mph. It's a good thing she does Reiki at the same time, as I felt like I was levitating off the table. By the time she reached my head, the crown chakra for those of you on the woo-woo side of the table, I was yawning and able to shut the hell up.
This morning I woke up at 5:15 and was compelled, almost ordered, to go downstairs to the Magic Basement and write, write, write. I haven't journaled since August; it was a multi-page purge.
Yes, I write this blog, but you guys get a sanitized, spell checked version of what goes on in my head. (That should probably get another amen...)
Every so often it does THIS soul good to just get it all down on paper. I can talk about it. I can share it. And whatever it is that is eating at me stays with me. Until I write about it. THEN, I can sort of let it go.
Now, I wouldn't be in therapy still and stuffing my feelings with carbs if I was truly able to let it go completely. But it's another new start. It's the ability to say to the universe, "Next."
It is a surrendering of that which was holding me in a place that just isn't healthy.
Searching my soul, feeling the joy, experiencing the world sitting just right, THAT'S what's going on with me today.
What about you?
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
Everything gonna be alright