On June 11, 1971 the house of sisters was forever altered with the addition of one Tom Buckley. I was ten years old, in fourth grade and thought for sure HE would be a she.

Blonde haired, blue eyed, and adorable, this baby became everybody's baby in some way, shape or form.

He ultimately ended up with four mothers.

When he was really young - maybe three or four, he was riding on the back of my bike. 
What? You didn't do that? FINE. Be that way.
His little legs got caught in the spokes. Yep. Broken leg.

In a classic case of life's little ironies, when Bella was four she was hanging out with Uncle Tom and her dad and HER leg got broken. We're even.

I didn't really know Tommy all that well. Let's face it, I was a teenager and he was a pain in the ass brother.

THEN. 

Well, he's all grown up now. 
And he is a remarkable man. 

I don't write about him too much, mostly because he's a he, and this blog is usually reserved for me. He is also far more private than I will ever be - he doesn't even have his own FB page. Gasp!

He has a beautiful and amazing family. He is the father of one son and three girls. (Karma) His wife is the love of his life. 

His story is remarkable. He held an audience of us captivated when we were sharing a house together a few years ago and I witnessed how the young people looked up to and listened to him. I looked up to him and listened to him.

My mother has said more than once she wished she didn't give birth to such independent people. However, that independence has allowed each of us to pursue that which moves us at different times in our lives. We have each taken a leap of faith about many a different adventure and I am certain it's because we come from a family that keeps an eye on each other despite our independence.

This year my brother has taken a massive leap of faith in himself and his family. He quit his job in finance and started his own business. He is quite an inspiration!

Paw Fuel Dog Treats is Tom's brainchild. It is THE best treat for active dogs, made with natural ingredients in the USA by a dad of four, a husband of one, a navy man, a brother to three and an all around terrific person.

I invite you to check out his web page and I certainly want you to check out his Facebook page HERE. Personally, I believe getting the FB page to at least 100 likes today would be an awesome birthday gift for Tom.

As for your dog, order them some treats and that will be a gift for them. It's a win-win for everyone!

Tom's middle initial is "A". If you ask him what the "A" stand for he will tell you Axl. (As opposed to Andrew, which is what it really is.) As a young teen in the '80's, this was his music, this was his band, and this is the man behind his middle name.

Happy, HAPPY Birthday Tom.

You rock as much, if not more so, as Axl.

All love!

xo

Oh, Oh, Oh
Sweet child o' mine 
Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh
Sweet love of mine 

http://youtu.be/1w7OgIMMRc4

As I saw the outpouring of loved for Maya Angelou in the form of quotes, pictures and articles yesterday, I was fascinated to see how many of her quotes have made their way into my everyday thought process. Bits and pieces of this have been quoted everywhere in the world. In it's entirety, it is magnificent.

Without even knowing it, Dr. Angelou has probably affected you in some way, shape or form just as she has affected me.

My friend Randi said it best late last night when she wrote, "We heard you and more important, we listened. Sleep well."

I will continue doing my thing. I will keep shining my light. I will keep sharing my story. I will keep learning.

Thank you, Dr. Angelou, for your grace.

xo

I have yet to hear a more magnificent version of this. 
It *will* take your breath away.

http://youtu.be/-GD-5mRyaJw

TODAY is a big day for my friend Margo Kelly.
BIG.
HUGE.
OH so EXCITING. 

Margo has been plugging away at the YA genre of writing for several years. She writes thrillers for teens. And guess what?! HER FIRST BOOK IS BEING PUBLISHED IN SEPTEMBER! YES, I'm yelling! For joy. For perseverance. For the hard work that goes into writing and the harder work that goes into editing.

I am unbelievably honored to have been asked to be part of her big COVER REVEAL!! 

I know.

I can hardly stand it.

And YOU can win a copy of it. Details below all the good stuff here...

Here's a bit about the book to wet your appetite...

Thea's overprotective parents are driving her insane. They invade her privacy, ask too many questions, and restrict her online time so severely that Thea feels she has no life at all. When she discovers a new role-playing game online, Thea breaks the rules by staying up late to play. She's living a double life: on one hand, the obedient daughter; on the other, a girl slipping deeper into darkness. In the world of the game, Thea falls under the spell of Kit, an older boy whose smarts and savvy can't defeat his loneliness and near-suicidal despair. As Kit draws soft-hearted Thea into his drama, she creates a full plate of cover stories for her parents and then even her friends.

Soon, Thea is all alone in the dark world with Kit, who worries her more and more, but also seems to be the only person who really "gets" her. Is he frightening, the way he seems sometimes, or only terribly sad? Should Thea fear Kit, or pity him? And now, Kit wants to come out of the screen and bring Thea into his real-life world. As much as she suspects that this is wrong, Thea is powerless to resist Kit's allure, and hurtles toward the same dark fate her parents feared most. Ripped from a real-life story of Internet stalking, Who R U Really? will excite you and scare you, as Thea's life spins out of control.

Before I give you Margo's official bio, let me share a little about the Margo I know.

I first met Margo at a Stampin' Up! event. She was presenting to a class and boy, she was a hoot and a half. 

I loved running into her over the years and we shared a love of not only crafting, but of reading as well. Distance totally didn't matter.

Several years ago, Margo was working on a novel. She was interested in mine and in Bella's thoughts of the book. 

We are useless critics. We tend to go with "I loved it," or "eh." That does NOT help the writer... For the record, we loved that book. It has not yet been published.

The Official Author Bio
Margo Kelly is a native of the Northwest and currently resides in Idaho. A veteran public speaker, Margo is now actively pursuing her love of writing. Who R U Really? is her debut novel and will be published by Merit Press in September 2014. Margo welcomes opportunities to speak to youth groups, library groups, and book clubs.

HOW TO WIN A FREE BOOK:
To celebrate the cover reveal for Who R U Really? Margo Kelly is giving away TWO Advance Reader Copies of the book! Visit www.margokelly.net and enter by Sunday, May 11, 2014!
(Note from Maggie - seriously, don't you think I should get at least one of those just for promoting this and everything?!)

Do you want to know even more? 
Check out Margo everywhere in social media land.
Website: www.margokelly.net
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21444891-who-r-u-really
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MargoWKelly
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MargoKelly.author

Pre-Order the book HERE - do it right this second
Barnes & Noble: http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/who-r-u-really-margo-kelly/1118847853?ean=9781440572760
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Who-R-Really-Margo-Kelly/dp/1440572763/ref=la_B00JY4LYZS_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398971448&sr=1-1
(Note from Maggie - don't forget to name your favorite charity at Amazon to help them too - me, I use Suz Crew - you can too!

Paper back writer (paperback writer)
Dear Sir or Madam, will you read my book?
It took me years to write, will you take a look?

http://youtu.be/taADLPtyDb0

Last night I got home and there was a message on my phone. It was a voice from my Stampin' Up! past. A woman who had SU! parties in Yorktown Heights a few times a year.

She was going through her scrapbook room and came upon some projects we created in 2004. She started to wonder if I was still stamping. And she said THIS:

TEN years later!

THAT. THAT is the reason I cut seven billion pieces of paper, and ribbon, and threaded buttons and had four of everything. Because I loved doing what I was doing. I loved the interaction with people. I loved hearing peoples stories.

I still do.

Hence, TGHR.

Hence Backstage Salon.

Hence, THIS blog.

Creativity is not limited to paper, stamps, ink, glitter or adhesive. Creativity has no limits at all, and by creating, you are inspiring. We all inspire each other in one way or another. Live it. Own it. Love it.

xo

PS - Thanks Ivonne for the awesome message. As you can tell, it made my night!

THIS will get your creative juices flowing!

http://youtu.be/sf6LD2B_kDQ

I was probably in my twenties the first time I had a mani-pedi. Bella was just two.

I received a white Revlon eye shadow in my stocking when I was thirteen. Bella probably got a full case of make up when she was under ten.

I didn't get my first high heels until my teens - Candies, they were OH the rage; along with Earth Shoes and Dr. Scholl's. Bella got high heels before she was a teenager.

And so, we, the mommies, perpetuate buying into this beauty-fashion hype.

And yet... Hello? Have you met me? Fashionable I am not. I am not particularly glamorous. I don't have a Pinterest board about my favorite looks. I believe yoga pants are a wardrobe staple. I forget to put on lipstick EVERY single day. My bangs have their own agenda that has nothing to do with the cut and everything to do with hot flashes. If you've been here long enough, you know that I do battle with carbs as frequently as I do battle with my bangs. 

I work at a hair salon, for god's sake. I am NOT the quintessential Hair Traffic Controller in any way, shape or form. And I think that's what makes me so good at my job. I look like a whole lot of our clients. 

Do I wish I was more glamorous? Some days, certainly. And in time, I might reach a level of made up that is "the norm" at a salon.

I know I should probably approach food and exercise in the mode of a twelve step program. It. Is. Hard. My respect for those who are in ANY kind of a program is off the charts. It goes right down to the core of my being.

And so, it was with interest that I watched this short video yesterday and realized, that although I am not physically where I want to be, in the whole scheme of things, I am pretty OK mentally about who I am.

Knowing what the issue is is the first step. And I know my issues. BOY do I know them. I take a baby step every morning when I wake up. One of these days that one step will lead me back to a full walk.

The song of the day popped in my head while I watched the video. It's message is the opposite of what I want to say here, because let's face it, I want us to feel like natural women and men WITHOUT someone else making us feel that way.

In the end, I still love the song. Go forth and feel outstanding about yourself FOR yourself.

xo

Photoshopping Real Women Into Cover Models
http://youtu.be/zRlpIkH3b5I

She is no longer with the person who she wrote this song about.
Life's like that...

You make me feel like a natural woman
http://youtu.be/_TVFK4XIK2U

The rules are of the retreat are easy. There are no rules. 

And so began four and half days of rediscovering the creative, joyful, ME.

So.

As I mentioned 10 years ago (Thursday, that's a retreat joke), I read about this retreat, followed along waiting for the sign up, and then absolutely had to be in on it! Why?

Writing: something I think I do fairly well, but certainly something I can always improve upon, facilitated by Jen Louden. I mean seriously, what wasn't to love? The woman herself is a dynamo of joy and strength and truth telling.

Photography: something I don't do very well because: 1) I forget to bring a camera, 2) I forget there's a camera on my phone, or 3) I can't be bothered to take a picture because I am participating in the event. The good fortune to be able to learn that EVERYDAY life experiences are art from an award winning, professional photographer, Tracey Clark, was perfect!

Yoga: something I am SO glad is called a practice, because that is what it takes. Practice, practice and more practice. Can I tell you just how awesome it is to hear the instructions in a New Zealand accent from the renowned Zen Peacekeeper herself, Marianne Elliot. Her movements are grace and beauty and a treat for the eyes to watch. Plus, when she dances, she radiates from within to the outside. It is a sight to see.

There is a lot that goes into the details of a retreat. I have learned this from the few I have been on so far. Things that make it uniquely THAT retreat. Of course the facilitators are key, but it is THEIR touches added to it that make it remarkable.

The combined creatvity of these three women made it so there were special handmade, heartfelt touches everywhere we looked. They said, "Hi. Welcome. It's fantastic to have you here. Stay. Breathe. Be. Joy awaits you."

It began with the bear hug from Jen as you walked into the dining hall, to the calm that follows Marianne everywhere she goes, to Tracey's complete enthusiasm for life. You knew, without a shadow of a doubt, you were in for a great time.

And then there were the women. From ALL over this vast great country, as well as Canada, Switzerland, New Zealand and England - enjoying the beauty of my neck of the woods. Witnessing autumn in all her glory and overlooking my beloved Hudson River.

AH (!), the women. Oh. My. Word. The beautiful women. With different stories, and different paths, and different reasons for being there, and yet, all with the same exact reason for being there. To find our Creative Joy. 

I discovered an interesting thing about myself while there. In order to find the joy, I had to experience pain and sadness and anger. I needed to cry. I needed to laugh and I needed to feel the love. In a room with more than 40 women it felt intimate. It was like a womb. We were safe. We were valued. We were validated. There was laughter and chocolate. There were signs posted throughout the Meditation Hall with words to uplift us and ultimately create smaller, more intimate groups from the many. I had sat in a chair with a card with the word breathe on it. That introduced me to my intimate group within the womb.

My small group of wonderful women consisted of five women from Brooklyn, NY, New Jersey, California and England. 

We listened. We wept. We nodded. We hugged. We kissed. We were, as I called us, Soul Sisters of Breath. Love across cyber space to Jenny, Judy Anne, Karen and Susan. xoxo You KNOW how I love you all.

Each day I delighted in breakfast, lunch and dinner prepared so beautifully the ingredients sang. I tried very hard to talk to every person who was there, either at the meals or in the great room on our floor. I love to know the stories. I love to share my story. Naturally, I was the one who would inevitably run out of time when it was my turn to share during our small group times.

We danced. I missed two days and took the photo above from my room feeling equally sad I was missing it and at the same time, so unbelievably grateful to be able to watch the graceful, silent ballet taking place before my very eyes.

I practiced meditation and yoga. There is a legitimate reason it is called practice. It is hard. It is easy. It is SO good for you. It is the perfect way to calm your overrun mind. It is a lifelong practice. I am still in the infancy stage.

I chanted. There's a sentence I didn't think I'd ever write. Click HERE to go to the chant we did.

I took pictures. Lots and lots of pictures. I took over 200 - really? Me? In just four days. I was a picture taking fool. Couple that with the Instagram instruction and I was like a kid in the candy shop. Well, except for the short time my "fucking iPhone was stuck on video." Thank goodness for Google, even while on a retreat.

And I wrote. And I wrote. And I wrote some more. And I listened to the pieces of the other women. And I cried. And I laughed.

I met Lain, who left a day early. I truly felt like a part of me left when she did. I suspect we will be friends, at the very least in cyber land, for a long time. She is that special.

I met Rachel, young, beautiful, vibrant, amazing, wonderful. Tapping into Creative Joy eons before so many of us do.

I met Steph, who is forging a path for herself that is so awesome and brave I marvel at her and send her blessings for the most exciting times to come.

I met Marnie, who has a compassion and kindness that is deep in her soul.

I met Aggy whose, "Good morning Maggie" filled me with joy each day as she said it. And, who sent me a Facebook message this morning with those same words; they filled me with happiness and made my eyes fill up.

I met Jane whose artwork and smile light up a room, whose generous spirit and soul embody creative joy.

I got to meet Sue Ann, who I know from Facebook and now I know in real life.

I met Lisa and Linda within minutes of arriving as we all schlepped our bags up to the third floor while realizing that maybe we packed a little too much.

I met Danielle who hails from New Zealand but has landed in NYC for now. A gorgeous soul from the inside out.

I met Alison and Jen and Erin and Lesley and Toby and Gail and Wendy and Christina and Annie and Isabel and Holly and Cindy and Dena and Kirsten and Linda and Joyce and Sharron and Zee and three different Kathryn's, I think, all spelled differently.

I reconnected with Anne! I loved meeting her wife Connie AND, they live but 20 minutes away from me.

I know I am going to miss someone and for that I feel awful - so I send you ALL love and light and blessings!

On our last morning, we walked the labyrinth in silence. I basked in the sunshine with the sound of a helicopter circling above. The leaves rustled in the wind while the bamboo created chimes of their own volition. 

I took pictures of the beautiful women. The picture of Sue Ann on the bottom right remains one of my very favorites. I saw Jen standing very close by to me and I needed, utterly needed to hug her. To thank her. To send quiet wishes of gratitude and love. This is her lifework and she does it spectacularly. 

As I left the field, I connected with Masha, who said, "My legs feel like they are going to give out on me." I replied, "Well then, I will hold you up," and we walked like lovers towards the front where we blew bubbles for everyone else as they returned. It. Was. Magical.

The closing ceremony was one of the most uplifting, spiritual, generous events I have ever been privy to being a part of. There was not a dry eye to be found; all I could do was marvel at being at exactly the right place, with exactly the right people, at exactly the right time.

The upside to being at a retreat 16 minutes away from home is that you can take your time getting there and still be there with plenty of time to spare. The downside is that your reentry to "real life" has no decompression time. I handled that by heading to Sam's and picking up a rotisserie chicken for dinner. Because really, doesn't heading towards a Super Walmart sound like the perfect plan when you have just left a life changing experience?

My deepest gratitude, love, admiration, and sincere thanks to everyone who participated in the Creative Joy Retreat 2013. You women are astounding, mystical, beautiful, worthy, amazing people and I am honored to have shared time with you. Jen, Marianne and Tracey ~ you each took home a piece of my heart and I yours. I am profoundly and deeply moved to have been a part of this. My love from NY to each of you. xo

PS - YOU. Yes you. Find yourself a retreat and do this FOR yourself. You'll live longer. I mean it. 

If you're going to dance in the mountains, it's nice to pay homage to it.

http://youtu.be/jiWY8naGyNI

Recently, my friend Pat sent me a picture of me standing next to my high school when I was probably 15*. Several thoughts went through my head:

• Holy shit, I was skinny
  
• Those are some short shorts
  
• I apparently began my love of solid v-neck shirts young
  
• OH those glasses...
• Perms were big on straight haired girls in the '70's
• I looked utterly carefree
  

* UPDATE: It turns out the picture was taken at the end of 11th grade which makes me 17.

THAT GIRL.

She's the one I am working on finding again.

I wouldn't say I was ever wild, per se. Of course, the only real thing I had to be concerned about at 15 was school, and frankly, unlike the two who I gave birth to, I was a pretty relaxed student. THAT might explain why it took me until I was 51 to graduate college.

Somewhere along the line, I lost that girl.

She makes appearances now and then.

I dance in the hair salon to some eye rolling and giggling. Sometimes, I can get Colleen to join me. There is nothing stuffy about Backstage when dance music comes on. Hey, what's the point of the giant disco ball hanging from the ceiling if we don't dance?

I occasionally dance around the house and I can assure you, the eye rolling is FAR worse than at the salon, with the words, "Mom. Stop. Stop mom. JUST. STOP." Naturally, this makes me want to do it even more.

I sing in the car. I find myself singing in the shower. I will burst into a line or two at work. (As an aside, yesterday, "You Light Up My Life" came on and I went right back to my youth. I did, however, giggle that it was playing on the station we had on at the salon.)

Today, be your wild self. Who cares if someone rolls their eyes.

She's a wild one
With an angel's face
She's a woman-child
In a state of grace

http://youtu.be/WifpCsOQ3JM

Late Day Blog Post: I can recall, with great clarity, a teacher (who I can't recall) writing the following sentence on the blackboard on the first day of school.

Why do we behave the way we do?

Our goal that year was to make sense of human behavior. That's a tall task for a group of teenagers. I doubt we ever came to a conclusion. 

As I have aged, I realize human behavior is OH so tricky and there are a myriad of reasons WHY we all do what we do.

As I was trying to figure out which teacher it was who wrote this, I took out my yearbook. I haven't looked at it since I started on Facebook in an effort to put names to faces. (Admit it, you did the same thing.)

It was interesting to read some of the signings in my book. Apparently the words, "unique," "one of a kind," "crazy," (presumably in a good way) and "free spirited" were just some of the words teachers used when writing about me. (I didn't read my friends notes - I am sure that is good for a whole 'nother post...) And THIS is the thought I had as I read the notes:

Where the hell did that girl go?

Was it my own behaviors that changed? Did I make the conscious decision to become different from whom I apparently was as a teen? Did the behaviors of others shape me? Did I roll with the punches of society and become more like everyone else? Did work, school, relationships - starting, ending, starting again - marriage (not once, but twice and quite nearly three times), having children, make the more authentic "me" disappear? Is who I am now the "real" me? Am I mish-mosh of every experience I have ever had? Of course I am.

WHY do I behave the way I do? 

If I can't figure out ME, it is ridiculous for me to even consider trying to figure out anyone else, which amuses me to no end, because of course, I do. We all do.

This past year I have been working on the girl of my youth. I have been trying to bring her back with open arms. I have been trying to uncover the young girl who I buried in the need to be loved and accepted. I bury her with food ALL the time. THAT GIRL needs to break free and return to the behaviors that made her unique, one of a kind, free spirited and yes, crazy.

It is so much harder than anyone will ever admit to you. I am here, doing just that. It reminds me to make sure MY kids don't lose their innate selves. Because, trying to find it again is a bitch.

We change and evolve and make decisions that are well thought out or rash, some we are grateful for and some we are haunted by. It's what makes us human and makes us, "us." 

I don't want to head into my mid 50's (good lord, I can't even stand that I just wrote that...) being someone I don't feel comfortable being. I want to be the person of my youth with the wisdom of my age. I don't want to sit in the status quo of my life - I want to experience life with zeal and wonder. I don't think it's too late. 

THE only behavior I can do something about is my own. I'm on it.

xo

PS - Candace, I love this song...

Find some inspiration 
It's down deep inside of you 
Amend your situation 
Your whole life is ahead of you 

http://youtu.be/mBk0XFNNb0c

I have a friend, Jennifer Louden. She asked for help in sharing the class she created with the hopes of having 10,000 people on board for this by September 23.

Jen is a multi-talented woman on a mission to share her vision of women becoming SHERO'S. Getting back your "inner self" - you know, that girl with fantastical hopes and dreams, who has taken a leave of absence while on the journey of life.

I "met" Jen via her books when I went back to school last year; she has written terrific books. Her Facebook and blog posts are always wonderful, her tweets fun (and if I was on Twitter more, I could probably add a hash-tag or two...). I had a personal training session with Jen and I am VERY excited to be going on a retreat with her next month.

THIS month, FREE OF CHARGE, Jen has put together a program I know will change lives: The Shero's School for Revolutionaries. This conference brings together more than twenty gifted people, sharing their wisdom, guidance, life lessons, and stories, from September 23-28.

My hope today is that you will click on the links, check out the "school," and join ME while I participate in these lessons. I want to continue my quest to get back to my true, authentic self. My second hope is that you will SHARE this information with everyone. We deserve this. We are worth it. And this is some mighty powerful guidance we are being given.

I'm off to design my cape...

xo

Music Today: As soon as I saw the name of Jen's school, THIS song came right to mind. 
P.S. I had no idea it was in the movie; I literally just read the book on Thursday.

And the shame
Was on the other side
Oh we can beat them
For ever and ever
Then we can be Heroes
Just for one day

http://youtu.be/UElV9m9Q5Vk

Last night, I had a fabulously fun evening with friends who live near and far. We laughed, a lot. I went to bed around 1:00 AM and woke up at around noon; eleven hours of sleep. Nice. Feeling like one of my teens.

While I was sleeping in, Diana Nyad was mastering her fifth and final attempt to swim from Cuba to Key West, Florida without a shark tank. 110 miles. 55 HOURS of swimming. At the age of 64. Sixty-four. What a remarkable inspiration she is.

In her post swim interview she had three messages:
"One is, you should never, ever give up."
"Two is, you are never too old to chase your dreams."
"Three is, it looks like a solitary sport, but it's a team effort."

My FB post today says, "Wake up in anticipation something great is going to happen today." I believe for Diana Nyad, and for all of us around the globe who cheered her on, (in my case while still in jammies at my laptop), we were able to witness greatness.

WHAT a triumph.

After seeing her interview I wanted more. Thanks to TED Talks I was able to hear more about who she is and why she did this. I encourage you to watch them - they are quite similar and yet unique enough to get a little something different from each one.

From Diana's internal playlists.

The Needle and the Damage Done - Neil Young
http://youtu.be/fi2XCsPKlY8

Me and Bobby McGee - Janis Joplin
http://youtu.be/sfjon-ZTqzU

As you may recall, I am a hopeless romantic. As such, when I was younger, I thought/hoped (?) passion would be a sweeping love story, 24x7x365, epic physical connection.

Then reality hit.

That level of emotion can't be sustained when the day in and day out redundancies of life hit. At least that hasn't been my reality to date.

As I get older, I realize that passion for LIFE is a totally different animal than physical, emotional passion. And that, well that, I do have.

And now...this post will get long. (You've been warned.)

A year ago today I crossed over the threshold of a door and became part of a group of 12 women called the Ring of Health. Our goal was to eat right, exercise and participate in group therapy. 

I had been in therapy in and out over the years. I had rarely gotten to the bottom of anything. Did you know therapy is useless if you lie to yourself?

This time, I was going all in. I was going to be honest with myself and figure out just what the hell had been holding me back from the me I recalled from days gone by.

There is a certain amount of all of us that gets lost when we start a family. Those darling little cherubs require parts of our souls we didn't know existed. And we want nothing more than to give them every little part of ourselves we can. Which is great. Until it's not. 

Now, would I change a thing about how much of me I doled out to my luvvies? Not really. In the whole scheme of teenagers, I have two amazing people. A big portion of that is the insane amount of time we have put into raising them. But somewhere along the line, pieces of me were forgotten. For a while, I identified myself as an ATM and taxi, card carrying PTA volunteer.

These days, Peter drives. Both kids work. I have scaled down on my PTA activities to one giant event a year. Those labels have been removed. Do I still drive Bella the 2/10ths of a mile to school almost every morning? Yep. Her backpack weighs more than she does. Spring sports add the LAX backpack and her stick. As of last Friday, she has an inflamed shoulder and is sporting a sling. So yes, I drive her. But that will end very soon too.

In what seems like a blink of an eye, my babies are quite nearly 16 and 17. Their growth continued while mine took a back burner. I am not alone in this. Almost every woman I know has felt like this at some point. (I am more than certain men feel the same way. They don't vocalize it nearly as much as women do. That PSA is just in case you haven't figured that out. )

There are the rare few who have managed to stay true to themselves, but too many of us have put our own needs away while tending to our families. Again, this isn't a bad thing. It's just what we do.

ANYway. In this span of a year I have found that the wings I was born with, that apparently got clipped for the better part of a couple of decades, are back. They're not fully showing, but, I can feel them.

I like who I am most of the time. 

• A year ago, I didn't have a college degree. I do now.
  
• A year ago, I had never uttered the words, "The Glass House Retreat."
  
• A year ago, I had an unpublished blog that never saw the light of day. Fear kept me from writing. Now, I write for me and I am just over the moon delighted others like what I write and support me. I no longer fear my truth.
  
• A year ago, I was nowhere near as physically fit as I am now.
  
• A year ago, I was utterly unhappy, but to see me, oh, I faked it well and you would have thought I was just ducky. (I never fully fooled my sisters...)
• A year ago, I knew I had a book in me. It's been started. And stopped. And started. And stopped. But it's here.

There are parts of my life that I am still unhappy with. That's why I am still in therapy. Our group is in it's third cycle. We have gone from 12 women to five.

I foresee huge changes still to come. Some will be very hard. Some will be delightful. And the universe will heave a sigh of relief when all of it is the way it was meant to be from the get go.

On our yoga retreat Cara recalled something she read that stated, we should all, at least once a day, cry, laugh, and tell someone you love them.

When I walked in the gym this morning I burst into tears. Lucky for me, I work out with amazing women who literally stopped what they were doing to make sure I was OK. Jen, being Jen, assured me I would be better once I worked out. Naturally, she was right. I must have laughed at something while at the gym - it is, after all, a pretty funny place. I know I will laugh way more than once today, I live with funny people. I tell my kids I love them every day before they leave for school and every night before bed. If they are out and about during the day, I say it as they walk out the door. I texted a friend I haven't seen in too, too long that I missed them. Then, I texted them to remind them I love them too. 

Try it. You'll feel better at the end of the day I bet.

JUST SO YOU KNOW... I love you.

I wish I had a copy of the Myers Briggs tests I took in my youth. I would bet a zillion dollars they would have all pointed me towards the work I am doing now. Or a nurse. I would have been an awesome nurse if not for those pesky science courses. (Although I did rock a "B" in Anatomy & Physiology as an adult.) But I digress...

Sometimes, in order to get to where you are most alive, you have to take a pretty circuitous route. Sometimes golden/silver/bronze handcuffs get in the way. Sometimes you don't know who you want to be until you've raised your kids to an age that you're pretty sure they could survive a really nice dinner party without a manners intervention. Sometimes it takes a crisis. Sometimes it takes getting laid off.

All I know is that when you get there; you know it.

I have been doing the work of TGHR for more than 12 years. It was just under the umbrella of another name and it was making money for other people. Not for me.

Last night I attended a Girls Night Out that was hosted by the incomparable Tara Colavecchio, owner of Dragonfly Hair Studio in Peekskill, NY. It was marvelous to meet so many people interested in what I have to offer. I hobnobbed with healers, psychics, astrologers, renowned jewelry makers, old friends (Pat!) and new friends. I had a grand time and was very excited to share my vision of what I expect to happen at TGHR.

Click HERE for the schedule of classes happening at TGHR. Further details of the classes will happen by Monday.

And hey (!) ~ are YOU alive in your work? Do share!

Music today...well, the word "alive" put me right here. Welcome to 1985.

I decided on the Rumi quote last night and have been thinking and thinking about it for hours. Two simple sentences that seriously made me stop and regroup.

I believe we think of ourselves as a drop. And so, in turn, we have these false walls that hold us back. Imagine how much more outrageous we can be if we realize we are the whole ocean in a drop. It's fascinating to think about. 

It goes back to the Gary Zukav question posed so many years ago in one of his books, "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" I used to have that all over the house on post-it notes. 

t was brought home again last Thursday when I attended a Vision Board class. The teacher can always learn.

We were asked to think about the addition four questions (Zukav's was first):

• Who would I BE if I knew I could not fail?
  
• What would I do and who would I be if I really, truly, didn't care what other people thought?
  
• Where do I not express myself in my current life?
  
• What am I afraid of?

Break down the walls and start making your own waves. Create your own waterfall. You are the entire ocean in a drop.

I know. It's heady stuff.

I love talented people. I especially love talented people I personally know.

Meet Kait Weston. A dynamo performer who left the suburbs of NY to pursue her love and dream of music in LA. Yep. All the way across the country.

She bought a one-way ticket to paradise a year ago and has been working her butt off to make her dreams come true.

I have known Kait for more than 12 years and she is determined. She is kind, compassionate, caring and soulful. 

One of her biggest goals is to be the person a "Make-A-Wish" kid wants to meet. Now you love her as much as I do. Right?

It's been a while since she released a new single.

Well, TODAY is your lucky day! Check out Kait and her duet partner on this piece, Andrew Vass, with their cover of Rihanna's "Stay."

Although it's not Saturday, I will share Kait's FB link: HERE

Love YOU, Kait! xo

Yesterday was fabulous - in a nutty way.

Yes, I am still in this godforsaken basement clearing out.

AND, we found out the pipes upstairs are frozen. THAT'S why it was so cold up there. The main floor is a balmy 75 degrees as we attempt to get heat upstairs. We are also running space heaters with the hope that they will out-heat the freeze that is happening outside...it might take a few days.

I had an over-the-top massage from my friend Alisa who is currently in school for it. She will SO be a part of TGHR when she's done.

BUT, the best part of the day, bar none, was my one-on-one coaching call with the amazing Jennifer Louden. In twenty-two minutes she called me on the carpet for some negative beliefs I was stating, gave me an action plan, and by the time the hour was up, I realized she had my number better than I did.

I left the crazy hot though freezing house, for the aforementioned tremendous massage, with a mission statement in my head and a plan or two or maybe even a dozen.

I have big plans. I have big dreams. I have a bright light within that is going to start blinding people. And I have the courage to take some radical chances.

I am so thrilled you will be part of the journey.

Music today a la google search - I thought the picture was significant and the music glorious.

As always, I hope you will share your thoughts here. 

We are ALL born with a passion.

Sometimes it takes a while to find it. My own life is a perfect case in point. 

If you take the time to get to know yourself you never know what little ember of burning desire has been buried in you. It is enormously exciting when it ekes it's way into your conscious. 

I think TGHR has been in my head in some way, shape or form for years. Apparently, this was the year for it to make it's way forward and happen. It is thrilling and exciting and I look forward to doing something regarding it each and every day. Picking the Facebook quote of the day. Writing the blog. Finding the song I want to share. Creating classes.

My biggest thrill is designing the first retreat. I hope to iron out all the details and roll it out soon.