 This morning I walked the river. Oh so s-l-o-w-l-y. Because I was walking so slowly I was able to answer neglected emails. I was able to delete stuff I no longer needed. I used the river as my office.
I was sent an awesome article by a friend that literally made me rethink, AGAIN, how I am working TGHR and marketing myself. I am grateful to have well-read friends who send me articles from sites I wouldn't normally frequent; it allows me to look at my business from a new point of view.
This afternoon I am excited about an opportunity that will change my daily life in a great way. I am going to be doing something new for the first time and I couldn't be more excited to give it a shot. (Details when it's a done deal.)
Life really is a daring adventure. Sometimes I need to remind myself.
I wish you an adventurous day.
I saw the video below on my friend's FB page on Mother's Day. I laughed and shared it on my FB wall. But more importantly, I was grateful for it.
In general, I like to believe I understand men. I like them. I have fun with them. They make me laugh. They make me cry. They make me crazy. Most of the guys I know aren't the lugs portrayed in the mass generalizations.
A long time ago, an enlightened guy friend who told me he puts events away in boxes in his head.
Really?
I don't have a box. I don't compartmentalize. I just keep thinking and adding to the mayhem that is already swirling around in my head.
Even before I watched the video, the Grateful Dead song "Box of Rain" represented the putting away of "stuff" in a guys head to me.
(You have figured out by now it always comes down to a song, right?)
It doesn't mean I understood the box(es), but I needed the visual.
I will never have a box.
The video proves it.
Here's to the differences between men and women.
Long may we try to "get" each other.
I went to bed last night overwhelmed by the destruction in Oklahoma. This morning, I turned on Good Morning America. What a devastating, heartbreaking, brutally sad reality those poor people woke up to. The Plaza Towers school. Twenty kids. I. Can't.
Bless the amazing, brave first responders. True heroes.
In October, our area was hit hard by Hurricane Sandy. A friend who has done extensive work for Habitat for Humanity in Breezy Point, NY shared on FB last week that there is still an enormous amount of clean-up left to do in Queens. I have friends in Massapequa whose neighborhoods are still barren of neighbors as their homes get rebuilt. The beaches aren't quite ready just yet. Boardwalks are still left to be built.
There are still parts of New Orleans left to be rebuilt.
Mother Nature is a ferocious force to be reckoned with. We can't control the weather. We can control how we react. I am going to keep sending love. It's all I can do.
 Now that all the crap is out of my basement, I have been spending a lot of time here NOT clearing out.
Rather, I have been thinking. Writing. Pinning over 100 "M's" on Pinterest last night. (It started out innocently enough, with one, and the next thing I knew, I was up to 117.) Attempting to recover unrecoverable files. Folding laundry (totally un-Zenlike). Paying bills. (twice as un-Zenlike).
And, I realized, hiding, again.
Ugh. Just when I think I have moved on from "stuff," I realize I am still like that hamster, going in circles on a wheel to nowhere. It is horribly frustrating when it strikes me that I am in "that place" again. However, THIS time, I surrendered to the truth that I need to decompress, evaluate and look at myself from the inside out.
 It took me several weeks. It took a few bad night's of sleep. It took some crazy-ass dreams.
What really made me sit-up and take notice was that I was SNEAKING food down here. Who the hell was I hiding it from? The Jen's? Myself?
::: sigh :::
When I realized that, I realized I needed to actually get the hell OUT of the Magic Basement. When it becomes my hiding spot I know I need to make some changes. The best part of that sentence is that I actually have recognized this and know I have got to get the hell out of here.
Never blame any day in your life.
Good days give you happiness.
Bad days give you experience.
Worst days give you a lesson. I need people. I need to be busy. I need to chat. I need to move. I also know I need down time and I have now had enough. I am hopeful some job opportunities will pan out for me. THAT will get me out of the house and moving again.
I am really happy I have learned enough about myself to figure all of this out without totally spiraling into the pit of despair. I have been there. I don't like it there. It is dark and lonely and isolating.
I know I'm not the only one out there who feels like this.
Feel free to share if you are so inclined. I have had some people mention that they are having a hard time adding comments when they read the blog via their email on their smart phone and/or iPad. I tried it this morning and figured it out. You need to click on the title link in your mail. This will open up in Safari (if that's the browser on your phone). If you look to the right of the title on the top, it will tell you how many comments there are about a particular post. Click on THAT link, even if it says O Comments. That will bring you to the right place. Now, I expect to hear from you. xoxo
 It is 4:00 on the rainy afternoon.
I didn't wake up until 11:30.
I did put on clothes - OK, it's yoga pants, so that is almost like pj's. Bella is under covers and in her jammies; she took this message to heart.
We are ODing on TV today. I get totally sucked into TLC and all the brides dress shows. I love watching the drama; it cracks me up. It is mindless and makes chopping veggies a lot less boring. Spoiled girls slay me. Southern daddies, especially daddies who are preachers, really shouldn't be allowed to come to the bridal showroom. Bringing more than four people makes for far too many opinions. Bella has decided she will go dress shopping by herself. (Sure she will...)
UPDATED TO ADD: the groom should not go dress shopping with the entourage.
Wedding dresses and jammies.
That's the kind of Sunday we're having here.
I hope yours is as much fun!
Coldplay - found via the search feature on iTunes. I was actually looking for a jazz instrumental and this came up. http://youtu.be/QpbSQFJ4EEc
image: Beth Seger
We started the day with the Girls Varsity Lacrosse Sectionals. It was a beautiful morning and, for the most part, an outstanding game. It was a frustrating loss - at least one really bad call and frankly, the other teams ability to keep the ball down by the goal and run the clock...for more than 10 minutes total. There were tears from our girls, but they still came out with their heads held high.
When I got home I read this on the team FB wall:
Strength and courage aren't always measured in medals and victories. They are measured in struggles they overcome. The strongest people aren't always the people who win, they are the people who don't give up when they lose.
image: http://bit.ly/10CNYxj
I can say with 100% sincerity that the girls played their hearts out. I can also attest that although they were bummed out, they WERE able to eat at Panera's where I had the pleasure of sitting with four of the girls and two of their friends. They were able to laugh, show me prom dresses and talk about what's next. We planned a dinner here with a date TBD, and we all went our separate ways.
The Seniors: Lex, Kennedy, Col, Ang, Lindz, Bails & Hannah
THEN, it was prom shoe shopping time. I am not a fan of shopping. I really never have been. Bella, she LOVES to shop. So, to Marshall's, Famous Footwear and DSW we went. Victory was had at DSW and I highly recommend shopping there for they will order your size if they don't have it. The shoes were a ridiculous price (as in less than $50) and Bella is happy. Score one for the mother.
Tonight there will be lots of singing here as Bella and her friends decide what to sing for a performance they will have in a few weeks. I look forward to it.
I wish you all a most marvelous Saturday.
I have been gone most of the day. Yoga. Dermatologist to have a mole that was wonky removed and biopsied as well as a body scan for the first time in my life. I am not in the least bit concerned about it nor was the doctor. Acupuncture. Senior baseball players ceremony. Swing back to the track to watch my niece compete in a meet. Back to the baseball field to watch the game. Pick up Bella from LAX. Get her food. Drive her to babysitting. Go out to eat some dinner.
While I was doing all this running around, I had my computer trying to recover the lost files. I believe out of well over 100 documents I was able to recover about 25. I lost the pictures too.
I could get crazy about this but really, what would be the point? I know the story I want to tell. In fact, it makes it almost easier to have lost nearly everything. Out of the whole bunch there is truly just one I was sad to see as unrecoverable. No worries.
Why so calm? Read on...
Yoga this morning was Cara's version of restorative yoga and it was exactly right. We started in child's pose and Cara instructed us to "surrender the thoughts in your head. Give them up. Let them go and send them all to Mother Earth." She hadn't seen my FB post, but we always seem to be in sync. In addition, she sent me an email about my blog yesterday at 6:15 am that I read literally as I was racing out the door to her house: OMG Maggie. There's an archangel Michael card that says ...cancel, clear, delete.
Hmmm....What new Maggie has emerged that has a completely new book in her heart that could come to fruition only if the old was canceled, cleared and deleted ?
WOW. Such an amazing, spot on email!
On Wednesday, Jen read me a blog article about surrendering. With a very similar message. I forgot to make a copy of the article, but now I feel I must.
Last week at the psychic, the third card drawn was the Archangel Michael.
We have established on this blog there are no coincidences. The Universe is VERY busy with me, again. Bring it.
What's happening in YOUR world?
Music today inspired by the music in my acupuncturists office - gorgeous harp music - although this has a rock & roll twist. Very cool. Plus, I loved the whole angel theme. http://youtu.be/2U7TDOtfxts
 So. You know that book I talk about? Well, it's gone.
Somehow, some way, all of the files disappeared off of my laptop. I brought the laptop in for a new keyboard two weeks ago. I put some of my files on a flash drive. When I dropped off the laptop I was told my hard drive wouldn't be touched at all. Excellent.
I picked up the laptop late Saturday evening. I knew I had folders that I had made changes in, SO, I deleted them and re-added them from the flash drive. At no point did I touch that file.
So, naturally I deleted everything off of the flash drive.
YESTERDAY, I went to add a little something in the files, look at what I had written and maybe even add a page or two.
THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE FOLDER. Nothing. Zero. Zip. Nada. Zilch.
I am loath to admit I do not back up this computer either. I will get myself an external hard drive and start to do so.
I am disgustingly on top of CCleaner. I ran it Saturday as a matter of fact. OF COURSE I DID.
So, I am trying a program called Recuva, praying I can get it all back. This is how it looked two minutes ago on my desktop. I believed I was running the program all night. It's at 18% with an estimated time left of TWO DAYS. I'm thinking the files must be there. If they're not, well, there are no coincidences and maybe THAT wasn't the book I was supposed to write.
image: http://bit.ly/10PlRN5
There isn't a human on the planet who doesn't have pain. Emotional. Mental. Physical. How it manifests varies from person to person. This month, my body has many aches and pains. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out much of the pain is a direct result of how I react to life, and all that it throws me.
So, when I finally headed back to the gym this morning, Jen and I just sat and talked. Apparently, I needed to work out my head as much as my body. Jen and I "get" each other - it's an awesome connection and one I never take for granted.
My pains are actually years in the making and I fully expect the relief will take a while to fully kick in.
My head, my heart, my body, my food choices, my life choices - they are all connected and many times it is pretty and sometimes...well...it hurts. Who doesn't have "stuff?"
A lot of my stuff was living in my head, not paying rent, subconsciously making decisions based on life experiences that are decades old. I am programmed from a young age for a lot of how I react at this much older age. I am emotionally vulnerable from events that shaped me from way back when to recently. There isn't just one rule book on how we "should" live - otherwise there wouldn't be a giant section of self-help books in the bookstore. I am a work in progress, and the speed bumps along the way help me slow down and pay attention to what I need to pay attention to.
My FB post today says, "Don't make a resolution. Make yourself." I really do work on this every single day.
I spent the past three days ODing on the television program, Scandal. My sister told me I HAD to watch it. She assured me I would love it. She didn't lie. The main character is a woman named Olivia Pope. She's a fixer. It's her title. She cleans up messes. Her own life is an emotional disaster. I was all in from the pilot episode up until the last episode I needed to watch to "catch up."
I love this song. It's on many a playlist. It comes on in my car quite often. I decided to really listen to the lyrics recently. After talking about this song, a friend once asked me if I thought they needed to be "fixed." I hope my response was no. Over time, I have decided we could probably all use a little fixing. And over time, I have determined no one can "fix you" except you.
Here's to all the work we do to fix our perfectly imperfect selves - day after day after day. We are powerful beyond measure indeed.
Many years ago I worked for a difficult man as one of the managers of a particular department at the phone company. One day, he came to see our group. As we walked from my group, through another group and ultimately to the stairs he said, "Maggie, everyone in this department is too happy. You are doing something wrong."
OK, he was really more of an asshole than difficult.
(Side bar note to Trish - yep, it still makes me crazy even after all these years!)
I took pride in our department and I took pride that the people in our group were generally pretty happy. Our little corner of the floor was filled with laughter and unmitigated chaos, but we liked each other and we had fun.
I think you can fake happiness. We've all done it. But genuine happy is a great thing and something to be proud of.
In that group was a woman who would cease and desist doing any and all work when this song came on. She would place callers on hold. She would put her right arm in the air and she would sway and sing-along. Ultimately, so would we all. I have no idea what she is up to these days, but I think about her whenever I hear this song. And yes, every so often I throw my right arm up in the air and sway.
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