Rather, I have been thinking. Writing. Pinning over 100 "M's" on Pinterest last night. (It started out innocently enough, with one, and the next thing I knew, I was up to 117.) Attempting to recover unrecoverable files. Folding laundry (totally un-Zenlike). Paying bills. (twice as un-Zenlike).
And, I realized, hiding, again.
Ugh. Just when I think I have moved on from "stuff," I realize I am still like that hamster, going in circles on a wheel to nowhere. It is horribly frustrating when it strikes me that I am in "that place" again. However, THIS time, I surrendered to the truth that I need to decompress, evaluate and look at myself from the inside out.
What really made me sit-up and take notice was that I was SNEAKING food down here. Who the hell was I hiding it from? The Jen's? Myself?
::: sigh :::
When I realized that, I realized I needed to actually get the hell OUT of the Magic Basement. When it becomes my hiding spot I know I need to make some changes. The best part of that sentence is that I actually have recognized this and know I have got to get the hell out of here.
Never blame any day in your life.
Good days give you happiness.
Bad days give you experience.
Worst days give you a lesson.
I am really happy I have learned enough about myself to figure all of this out without totally spiraling into the pit of despair. I have been there. I don't like it there. It is dark and lonely and isolating.
I know I'm not the only one out there who feels like this.
Feel free to share if you are so inclined.