We are headed up to visit Dracula for Parents Weekend at his school. It is either pure genius or utter madness that it was scheduled for Halloween.

SUNY Cortland is doing the same thing.

Enjoy your trick-or-treating!

May it be drama free and mostly treats!

It's Friday! Let's Dance!

xo

Yesterday, a new day dawned and with it came more madness. At about the same time as Tuesday, a twisted soul called the high school and once again, there was a lock down.

The difference for me yesterday, was that Bella was in Boston, touring Northeastern.

It was an entirely different situation for many others.

Facebook was filled with posts of varying degrees of concern. There were people who were legitimately losing their one minds. There were nasty rants on posts from one person to the other. There were plenty of supportive posts. There were heartfelt notes from people who were there, who lived it.

My own feelings on the past two days are fairly straightforward.

When we give into fear, the twisted souls win. They get into our heads and into our psyche, and they wreck havoc with rational minds.

I have said it before, I will say it again, we are all in this little community together. For many years. Being cruel to a neighbor or an acquaintance doesn't get you anything except bad karma points.

I would venture to guess the staff at both of the schools are most certainly unhinged.

When those of us not IN the buildings are sitting with a device in our hands that allows us to vent, ask questions, make judgments, and make phone calls, that can impede an investigation.

When the movements of our students are broadcast via whatever means used, this can tip off the obviously already agitated aggressor.

The state police, with their expertise and training are who led the charge here. The staff complied with what they were instructed to do.

When people state that the district won't share what happens next, because "that's the way its always been done," they are sharing the actions of a prior administration.

When News 12 is at the front of the building, they are doing their jobs. It doesn't mean you need to answer any questions they might have.

Each person in the position of comforting my child may not only work in this district, they may live here. They may have kids in the high school or any of the other four schools. I would suspect the option of calling in sick today was highly discouraged.

They are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, our neighbors.

I will do what I can to say THANK YOU. To lift them up with praise and not diminish their fears, for they deserve my thanks.

I hate when fear "wins" in any form. I truly loathe it.

But I get it.

As the adults we are the mirror our kids witness. If we are scared, they are scared. If we bad mouth the way this is handled, they will too. If we are kind of calm, they will be kind of calm.

With that said, each of us knows ourselves, and our kids best and as such, you must do what will help you sleep. If that means your kids stayed home today, so be it. If your kids went to school, so be it.

No one way is better than the other.

These are chilling times. Horrifying things happen every day, somewhere, in this vast world.

Hug your kids. Kiss them goodnight even if they tower over you, actually, especially if they tower over you. They are still kids in those hulking bodies. And despite their best efforts to "act their age," when they really do, it annoys us. Remember the kid who actually wanted to cuddle with you and embrace THAT kid. They need that. Even when they push away, they are as scared as we are - and they have been living it while we have been hearing about it.

xo

PS - In my wildest dreams I never suspected my blog would take on a life of its own like it did yesterday. It was me just writing like I always do. Thank you to all who read it, shared it, commented, phoned, texted, etc. I appreciate it.

Yesterday, my friend Trish (of Colorado fame) shared this on her FB wall. I thought it was so perfectly apt to say thanks to all of the staff involved in the throes of the chaos these past few days.

THANK YOU.

Yesterday, two of our schools went into lock down mode at 1:45 in the afternoon. This followed on the heels of an email stating there had been both vandalism and thefts at each school within the past 48 hours.

It is Red Ribbon week, so the police were speaking about being drug free during gym classes, IN the high school, when the call came in.

Since the high school dismisses at 2:07 it was pretty evident this was not a drill. As a precaution, the elementary school next door was locked down as well.

Our little community is far from alone in this happening. A friend in Arizona had the same thing going on yesterday at her kids elementary school.

Bella grabbed her phone as soon as she knew what was happening. She was able to text me. She shared her phone with friends so they too could reassure their parents.

We received phone calls, emails, and the Superintendent tweeted. Kids who had phones absolutely stayed in touch with their parents.

And yet, people still were pissed about how much info was shared. It was not enough. They didn't know their middle school kids would be five minutes early coming home. Really? You're going to go off on FB over five minutes? I really am too old for this kind of bitching. They wanted the down and dirty details.

This is not TV people.

This was real life and it was happening. Teachers who were protecting your kids were on one floor while their own kids were on another floor, or in another local school. Teachers who are spouses were on different floors. A very pregnant teacher remained under a chem lab desk for the entire ordeal. Meg, our Athletic Director remained in a closet with two students during the entire ordeal. Everyone was literally ON THE FLOOR  or in a SAFE spot huddled together. Keeping our kids safe.

I would imagine every single person involved in the lock downs had an adrenalin rush the likes of which I cannot fathom as I was home, grateful they were protecting Bella as best they could.

That is what I appreciate. The caring. The protecting. The guidance. People teach because they love to teach. They love the kids. To my knowledge, I don't think there is a basic training course in what to do during a lock down when they are getting their teaching certificate.

So rather than whine about how much information you received, write an email to the person that kept your kids calm. Thank them. I suspect there wasn't enough wine in their homes to calm THEM down last night.

Go over it with your kids. What to do. How to act. Even though I've done this, I honestly don't know HOW I would act. I suspect I would cry. I know I would shake. I might be wishing I was wearing Depends.

Thank you, Corinne Rogulski for keeping Room 234 safe from harm. For holding Bella close to your heart. For remaining calm when you probably wanted to have a breakdown of your own.

xo

You can feel your heart race when you listen to this song.
I imagine it's how the staff of the schools felt.

http://youtu.be/PCS2UWEWsys

Yesterday my sister, Annemarie, posted this video. A young woman speaking passionately about getting help if you are feeling hopeless, helpless, or suicidal. She dared the young audience "to love yourself." She was speaking about a topic for a job she does to a group of her peers. People she went to school with after a young man recently killed himself. He was my niece's friend.

At 1:55 she issues her dare. A young woman out in the world doing amazing work and helping someone with her words, her dares and her smiles.

http://youtu.be/SU_6mz8cbr8

As we roll into daylight savings time and our time in the sun gets less and less, it is harder to embrace the sunshine since it is usually out while we are at our jobs or in school.
Get out.
Look up.
Feel the sun even if it's only 10° outside.

Animals get it - they are always basking in the sun spots of a house. Join your dog in a nap at the front door. THAT, I dare you to do.

Love yourself, a lot. Love others. Remember to tell them.

xo

Life is a busy place and some weeks, well life is just busier than others. The past week and this next week are chock full of moments. My way of handling that is to park my behind down on Sunday to decompress. I know, of course, there are many more productive ways to decompress, but I truly just needed to do absolutely nothing yesterday. And I gave myself an A+ for doing so.

Our Cut-A-Thon for Suz Crew was a wonderful day and especially fun. We raised $4,452 for the foundation! Kelly was able to meet and greet many people that day, sharing the mission of the foundation.

She did this all while waiting to become an aunt. I cheered and cried with her when we saw the pictures of baby Kevin. I found it particularity inspiring that on a day that two events were going on in honor of Suzanne Duke, a baby was born. You cannot tell me the universe wasn't smiling down on all. When "Brown Eyed Girl" came on at our celebratory dinner at The Tavern on the jukebox, I HAD to text Kelly.

Love through chaos.

Kacey and I met to further talk about the details of our upcoming day long retreat. Mark your calendars for January 11, 2015. It is sure to be an inspiring day for all who attend!

I continue to spend two days a week at OT. I never really realized just how much weather affects the body until my arm decided that it would ache in conjunction with Mother Nature's mood. It's FABulous.

We head up to Fisher to see Peter for parent's weekend on Friday. It is either pure genius that this is happening on Halloween or it is going to be madness. No matter what it will be excellent to spend some quality time with Peter!

May your dog not eat a Purdue chicken and then get sick in your closet. May you realize that even when you miss someone the most, they shine down on you with great love at the exact moments you need them to. May you take comfort in knowing, that if you are one of my local readers and you need financial or emotional help during a cancer battle, Suz Crew will be there for you.

Have a fantastical day.

xo

Every once in a while, I need to reevaluate where I am heading on this journey called life.

Have you ever driven home from a familiar place and wondered how you got home? You were on autopilot. Your eyes and brain taking the correct turns, your head off someplace altogether differently.

I am having one of those mornings.

And since I am feeling a bit dazed and confused, I am going to take a shower, do some thinking, because let's face it, the shower is where we all do our best thinking, and I am going to remember to be me. To be the best version of me I can be this morning.

You do the same.

xo

Aptly titled song.

http://youtu.be/_Kv2NE2o1YE

My Facebook post this morning is about a woman reflecting on the little girl she used to be. Before "life" happened to her. She is missing that girl.

PARTS of me fully agree.

Unencumbered dreams are fantastic.

BUT.

Heartbreak, no matter how it is gotten, gives us character. It gives us the unasked for knowledge that life goes on.

Not the way it was.
The new way.
With grief and pain forever etched on a part of your soul

Life is seriously so great and amazing and downright exhilarating. It smiles at us more often than is frowns.

We just have to remember that when the pain is unbearable, when our stomach aches, when our heads pound and when our bed, in pajamas is the only place we want to be.

I write this as we are expecting four days of rain. The sunny side to that? It's NOT snow. I plan on using the dreariness to spend some time continuing to spruce up the basement and do some soul work.

I welcome you to join me in at least one happy activity if you aren't feeling it.

xo

October and November are traditionally "depressing" months for me; I have a rich history of crappy memories from these months. And although the memories are old and frankly, exhausting, they rear their ugly heads and smirk at me. 

Perhaps that's why I like autumn retreats. I can give the memories the finger and move on for a little while.

I have burned away some of the same memories more than a few times in a fire via the ever popular "getting rid of that which no longer serves you" ceremony. It's appalling just how many times you can try to get rid of something and the memory still lurks in your psyche toying with you.

That's why I celebrate a good day. A day where I set tasks for myself that I can cross off as DONE. A day where laundry can get washed, dried, folded AND put away. A day where a home cooked meal is on the table.

I spent part of the weekend getting the basement usable for TGHR work I so love. You wouldn't think it would be a big deal. However, the great trip and fall of June 2014 really limited me, not only physically, but emotionally. It is amazing how long it is taking me to heal. Every day is a process.

We ALL have something that trips us up. I applaud my friend Nancy for fighting the fight against breast cancer these past eight months. I cheered for her when she posted a post last week that she was done with the chemo. Amy is still waiting for a heart. Jake is making his wish. Melissa is cancer free but still needs testing. I have friends who are in relationships that have run their course, and yes, I do believe some relationships have a finite time period where they are viable. I know SO many people in the throes of taking care of their aging parents - the mental and physical drain of this is heartbreaking to witness. I know people dealing with mental illnesses. I know people who have addiction issues and I know people dealing with kids who have addiction issues. God knows, food is a legalized drug. I know way more than a handful of people with children on the spectrum, celebrating every accomplishment with joy and a sigh of relief. I know plenty of us with kids in college and plenty with little kids. I know people living paycheck to paycheck and people flush with savings. 

And no matter who you are, some days just suck.

The bright side, and thank god there is always a bright side - even if it's a pin prick sized light - is that there IS another day to deal with what comes our way and hopefully, usually, it WILL be better than the day that sucks.

Here's to getting through the season change. Here's to gearing up for the holidays. Here's to the bright lights. Here's to all of us.

xo

THE first retreat I went on was facilitated by my therapist, Cathy Anesi. It was two years ago, the weekend before Hurricane Sandy. I came home refreshed and renewed and ready to tackle anything that came my way.

THAT feeling CAN last. It may not be as strong and pressing as it is when you first arrive home, but it is fairly easy to get yourself back into the retreat mindset with a few minutes of meditation, a candle burning and some lovely music.

Lucky for all of you, Cathy is hosting a retreat starting TOMORROW. And yes, there is still space.

Alas, I will not be able to attend, but after I heard all the details I knew I had to share it, because, who knows...maybe you don't already have plans and need some time away.

Down and dirty details:
tomorrow evening through Sunday afternoon
at The Grail in Cornwall-On-Hudson, NY
$595 for everything

All of the details are HERE.

GO!

For the love of all that is holy in your heart, go and think of me!

xo

My sister Annemarie married Ted a long time ago. They had four children who are now all adults. 

They were one of, if not, the first Certified Organic Farm in Northern New Jersey. They work harder than I have ever worked a day in my life. Each person is involved, in some way, in the day to day running of the farm.

Right now, they need our help via votes at Chase Mission Main Street Grants.

My niece Caitlan writes on the blog:

There is NO login required. You simply vote. It will take you less than twenty seconds. You may be asked to take a survey. You don't have to. Just vote. And, you can only vote once.

That's my plea for Tuesday. I will keep you posted on what happens next!

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE ~ and, please share!

xo

When my kids were little I had control of the radio. Then they got it into their heads that they could pick the music and foolishly I allowed this.

There have been MANY an argument over music in the front seat and somehow I don't win anymore.

Hello?

It's MY car!

When they were very young, maybe three and four, they knew ALL the words to "Sweet Home Alabama." I have a picture of them somewhere signing their heads off to this song. I can't find the picture this morning but the memory is indelibly etched into my brain.

Last night at 10:00 I picked Peter up in Mahopac. Yep! He surprised us this week by coming home until Sunday afternoon. I am giddy.

And last night, once again, HE took control of the music. But that's OK. I was too happy to see him to care.

Sweet Home Friday, indeed!

Let's dance!

xo

I start each day reading quotes, my horoscope, texts if I've gotten any, maybe FB, and then I head here.

I am inspired to write by what happened the day before, what I read, music - I can go off in fifty directions before settling in.

This morning, this quote resonated with me from Abraham-Hicks:

In general, I consider myself a happy person. I don't let too much bog me down, but there are certain parts of my life that I am "stuck" in. Pieces that don't work. Thoughts that cloud my mind.

I have a friend who is eliminating or adding one healthy habit to her life per month. I could wax poetic about doing this. 

I have done just that. Multiple times. For years.

But the mind. Well shit, that it THE hardest thing to quiet. And this quote emphasizes how much my self talk sabotages the efforts I make.

I can fake happy, but my mind can't. Not fully. And so I, on the opposite side of my healthy friend, sabotage myself.

When I was driving with my brother and sister on Monday, Tom said something like, "We've got this one life to live. And we need to live it. And if people along the way don't like what we're doing, well too bad." (My apologies if I botched that all up, Tom)

I believe this. Really I do.

The voices in my mind, they need to shut the fuck up already.

xo

I have been binge watching How I Met Your Mother. I am such an all or nothing kind of person that I really shouldn't be allowed to binge watch anything since it takes over my life until I am done.

When Tetris first came out I was a lunatic...

A glimpse into my day:
Get up
Make coffee
Make Bella her lunch
Go to OT
Go to work
Get lost in the Internet
Binge watch How I Met Your Mother
Figure out what to write about
Procrastinate

Thankfully, I do get out of my own way once in a while!

Sunday I went to the Support Connection walk. I was joined by Leslie and her daughter Marisa and Nicole. It was a beautiful day for a tremendous cause. 

Monday I could barely get out of my own way. I met Cara for a walk, I went to the salon and did a little work and I had a late day OT appointment.

Yesterday, Jane, my brother Tom (he was a surprise) and I drove up to Queensbury (near Lake George) to have lunch with my mom and my two aunts, Nancy and Rosie, at Sutton's. It was a most excellent adventure. It is always fun listening to my brother and Jane share their ideas on life.

Jane drives like Mario Andretti and makes me look like I drive slow. We get where we need to be in record time. Thanks for driving Jane!

I am thrilled to report I finally finished all NINE seasons of How I Met Your Mother last night. Clap loudly here.

Today was all about getting the salon paperwork up to date for our accountant - scan, email, and done.

I am off to the salon. Now, since I am done with HIMYM I believe I am capable of doing more than one thing.

Happy Wednesday!

xo

Most women I know have a small cadre of other women we keep close to our heart. The people who know our heart.

Sometimes the friendships span decades, and sometimes they are fast and furious.

I need to bounce stuff off my people.

I have a therapist for the loop of hysteria in my head.

My friends help me sort out when things aren't quite in the hysteria range but I just need an acknowledgment that I am on the right (or wrong) path.

Deep, philosophical discussions are often tempered by fantastical laughter. This is the stuff of women who get you.

I have quoted my friend Cara before, "It's a good day when you laugh, cry, and tell someone you love them."

My colleagues at work are NEVER surprised when I am crying.

Bella will often look to me during a TV show or program to see if there is a tear rolling down my cheek. (She will then smirk...)

From Glennon Doyle Menton of Momastery:
Q: G, Why do you cry so much? 
A: Because there is so much beauty & brutality to cry about - I guess I cry so much because I'm paying attention.

I SO GET THAT!

I laugh and I cry. A lot. I am paying attention.

The news devastates me. Twitter is always awash in whatever atrocity is happening in the world; a constant barrage of all that is wrong with the occasional nice story thrown in to keep me on it.

When I need it, I bounce stuff off of the people I value. And in the end, I always listen to my own gut. It's steered me wrong. It's steered me right. But at least I could take ownership of the good, the bad, and the ugly. AND, the beautiful.

Because the beautiful is what makes life so amazing.

Here's to laughing, crying, friends, love and listening to our own heart.

xo

A marvelous guitar solo

http://youtu.be/5q_FfJDBC6g

You would think that falling down and spending four weeks in a Percocet haze would have fulfilled the requirements for silence in my life this year.

It didn't. It probably made it worse.

Because my head wouldn't/doesn't quiet.

There are eighty million thoughts permeating my head.

And when that happens I need to retreat into my own world. 

I stop doing things - like laundry, cooking, or writing blog posts.

I start doing things - like carbing out, binge watching How I Met Your Mother (thank you for that, Bella) on Netflix, or ODing on the Internet.

I need the silence and hate it at the same time.

Peter is off to college and there's a definite silence in the house. He's good for texting and every so often I log onto Twitter to see what's up. But there is a quiet I am not used to and no size 13 shoes at my front door.

For all her chattiness, Bella craves solitude and so she spends a good amount of time in her room. She gets her homework done and heads to dance three nights a week. Breaking up the silence, we have now become a Saturday night house for her and her friends. THAT makes my heart happy!

I love my basement for the solitude.

But sometimes that just isn't healthy!

And I need to get healthy - physically and mentally. Thankfully I see Cathy every other week and that's excellent for my mental health. Next up I need to take care of my body. My dad's side of the family has a history of heart disease and you know what - I am a prime candidate for a heart related illness. This up and down isn't good for me.

Listening to the myriad of voices in my head reminds me to shut up, sit down, and listen to my heart.

I am challenging myself to DO THAT.

Now that my arm doesn't ache quite as much I can journal again. When your inner thoughts hit paper unencumbered, it's amazing what you can figure out about yourself.

Here's to silencing our thoughts, to quieting our brains, to listening to our gut and to paying attention to signs that tell us everything we already know.

xo

And in the naked light I saw 
Ten thousand people maybe more 
People talking without speaking 
People hearing without listening 
People writing songs that voices never shared 
No one dared 
Disturb the sound of silence 

http://youtu.be/4fWyzwo1xg0