Strong Women

2/9/2015

artwork: http://bit.ly/tghr201529

So, you all know I bought Backstage Salon with my partner Kathy last March, right?

You also know I slipped out of a pair of flip flops in June and did some serious damage to my elbow.

If you've been reading along here for a while, you know about my never ending struggle of "healing with food."

If you know me in real life, the words, "timid, shy, quiet, or retiring" would never be words used to describe me.

The past several months have issued me more than a few challenges. Some personal. Some professional.

That's life, of course. It does that to you.

Bear in mind, Mercury has been in retrograde since January 21. Thankfully is ends on the 11th.

In the past month I have been described as unprofessional for something I wrote in the Backstage Newsletter. I stand by what I wrote.

I have been advised that a client stopped coming to the salon because I introduced her to the woman sitting next to her. Apparently I said, "you two could be friends." One of the women chatted the entire time and the other woman wanted to get work done. I don't understand why that couldn't have been conveyed in an easy, "Hey, it's nice to meet you, but I've got work to do."

I am still trying to figure out how on earth the client not coming back could possibly be my fault, but I will own it, as I DO introduce people to each other in the lobby. I think it makes it nice when you see the same person month after month to at least be able to exchange a pleasant greeting.

This past Friday, Kathy was asked to speak to me.

A client told her she was asked to be a spokesperson for a group of clients and she wanted Kathy to know how they felt about me.

I am not "professional looking"
I chew gum on the phone - guilty now and again
I am loud - if you have been coming to the salon since I was hired this should not come as a surprise
I sing - absolute truth
I dance - indeed I do
I don't wear enough makeup - I think I wear enough
I dress too casually - have you MET me?
I keep people on hold too long - yep, that's been known to happen. I always take care of the people standing in front of me, that's equally important.

Kathy was horrified. From a human being point of view and from a partner and friend's point of view.

I, on the other hand, was remarkably calm. I think it has to do with getting older and wiser. Life is short, and I AM GOING TO LIVE IT.

We love and loathe in other people that which we love and loathe in our own selves. (Thanks for that, mama!)

I cannot make everyone like me.
I cannot make everyone happy.

But I will be goddamned if I am going to let the words of others cut me down.

After Kathy spoke to me on Friday I will admit I shut down a little. I deflated. Then I made the decision to be quiet and still on Saturday. It freaked my co-workers out a little. I HATED answering the phone quietly. I hated not singing. I hated not dancing.

And you know what, it allowed me to take ownership of the salon.

I was not there when it opened originally. I don't play by the rules made before I owned it.

I will never be anyone other than who I am. If you don't like it, too. fucking. bad.

I am not mean.
I am not rude.
I don't cut people down.
I don't belittle people.

If being introduced to the person next to you allows you to connect on a human level, I will not apologize.

If you don't like how the owner behaves, I can assure you there are at least fifty salons in the area who might be better suited to your personality.

I am SO proud of how Kathy and I have continued to build this business up as ours. I don't have enough fingers and toes to count the number of my friends who support me and our business by coming to our salon.

It is a sad day when another woman feels it is OK to put down another woman who is doing the very best she can with what she's got. Over superficial stuff.

I hope my daughter views me as a strong, loving woman who cares about all people but especially as a woman who builds up other women.

xo

Music today: Thank you to Mary DeTurris Poust. Wow. Just wow, what a song.

I close my eyes and tell myself
When I feel judged by someone else
That love, love, love
Begins with me

I dig in deep and must reveal
The secret for my heart to heal
No lies, lies, lies
Or make believe
But my stones and sticks,
I pitch ‘em quick
And get in the way of myself again

And then I say

I am not afraid
I know how to be brave
Cause in the best and worst of days
My colours never fade

Bitter words can't stain
Wash out or strip away
In a million shades of gray
My colours never fade
Fade

Mending all my imperfections
Unravels me in all directions
And its hard, hard, hard

So hard to breathe
Can't pave my road with good intentions
Frightened by my own inventions
Oh, when, when, when will I believe

So brick by brick
I lay it thick
And paint up my face for the world again

And then I sing

I am not afraid
I know how to be brave
In the best and worst of days
My colours never fade
Impossible they say
The odds cannot be played
But my dreams come true in spades

When my colours never
Fade, fade
Brighten my way
To a better day
Never fade, fade away, fade away

I am not afraid
I know how to be brave
And in the best and worst of days
My colours never fade

Bitter words can't stain
Wash out or strip away
Cause in a million shades of gray
My colours never fade
Impossible they say
The odds cannot be played
But my dreams come true in spades
When my colours never fade
I am not afraid
I know how to be brave
In the best and worst of days
my colours never fade
Never fade

http://youtu.be/1iGmBXPxr0Y

33 Comments

Mirene

2/9/2015 12:24:39 am

It's a tough crowd out there, in this industry, don't let it bring you down. Sending you love xoxo

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 08:43:58 am

Aw, thank you Mirene. It is far more amusing when it is a client, not a person in the industry! I totally appreciate the love. xo

Mary

2/9/2015 12:40:26 am

There is really no excuse for attacking you with a barrage of nasty complaints. Frankly, its immature and the approach was very much the behavior someone in middle school or high school. An adult would approach you and talk to you, not form a pack of yappy women to gossip and then approach Kathy. You dress professional for work. You don't need to fit the profile of what someone else considers professional for a salon. You are friendly and often loud, but the friendly and loud is what your friends like about you. As a business, you won't appeal to everyone and as upsetting as it is, sometimes you need to let the bad clients go. Keep shining Maggie!

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 08:46:32 am

The client wants to continue coming to the salon because they "like it here." Apparently with the exception of the other owner! LOL ;-)

And I totally agree it was very school-girlish.

I believe I shall shine even brighter from now on.

Thanks Mary, for your support!

xo

annemarie

2/9/2015 12:59:48 am

Wow. This made me hurt for you Maggie. How dare these people say this about my sister! Who cares if you sing, probably the wrong words sometimes too! Make up is a personal choice, they need to find a good therapist for some serious self reflection. Your salon is like an oasis of calm, even when it is a it's craziest, the beauty shines though you and the amazing people who work with you and Kathy. Let the unhappy persons go elsewhere! Keep dancing, singing ,and being the Maggie we all love <3

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 08:56:22 am

I never get lyrics wrong. (HA!)

As a business owner, you never want a client to be unhappy.
As a human being, if a client or employee IS unhappy, there are so many other avenues they can explore.

But it's nice to realize, our salon, our atmosphere. And if you don't like it, we're sorry to see you go, but, buh-bye!

Maggie ~ TGHR, Part II

2/9/2015 09:49:42 am

By the way, I love you AND, xoxo

Audrey

2/9/2015 01:25:22 am

Dear Maggie, My heart breaks as I read about the actions of these women. I'm tempted to invect the same poison they have spread. Tempted to say things like "these people really need to get a life" or far worse. Lol. But, I'm following your lead. Following your chose mission to be the antidote to the spreading toxin. I've so wanted to come to the salon. I've been quite sick and haven't been able to sit long enough to get my hair done since September. But, I have been trying to srpead the word. It sounds like you have created a place where more than hair problems get healed! Keep up the good work of loving Maggie. You are good. Don't forget it! Love and peace, audrey

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 09:01:41 am

My dear Audrey ~

You have been in my thoughts and prayers each and every day. I have sent you love and light and all good things. When you are ready to sit, your hair is on me. It won't be a porch party, but it can be a salon party! (I can have everyone come on down to the salon. Claire will make a tasty cocktail, I am certain!)

All love to you, my sweet friend. Thanks for spreading the word.

xo

Cathy link

2/9/2015 02:05:33 am

Oh Maggie, reminds me of my favorite saying "Jimmy Cracked Corn". You are perfectly you. Shine on honey makeup or not!!!!!!

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 09:02:52 am

Don't you LOVE seeing all of OUR hard work come to fruition?!

Oh, I am shining bright. :-)

xo

Margo Kelly link

2/9/2015 02:26:15 am

I love you, Maggie. "Life is short, and I AM GOING TO LIVE IT." I love you. I love you. I love you. And I really liked this: "I hope my daughter views me as a strong, loving woman who cares about all people but especially as a woman who builds up other women." Yup. That's right. You are simply awesome.

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 09:13:21 am

I love you just as much, dear Margo! Thanks for chiming in.
xo

Joanna

2/9/2015 02:37:32 am

Maggie, For as long as I have known you, whether it be at PTA meeting, LIVE, Fashion show, sporting event, etc... You always make everyone feel like they have known you forever. People can just be plain rude and mean. Don't let them change you!! The world (at least your neighbors and friends and children's friends) need you to only be you!! You are a warm, caring, and genuine person!! My son for one loves you and wishes I was more like you!! Keep being you and ignore the BS!!

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 09:15:46 am

Joanna ~

Don't sell yourself short! You are an amazing woman.

Your son remains one of my favorites. What I love about him, is that he is comfortable in his skin because YOU have raised him to be so.

Thanks for the support, going into "ignore the BS" mode right away!

xo

kathy

2/9/2015 02:50:16 am

Being Maggie’s friend first then business partner I must comment, Maggie is the most extraordinary woman I know. She is beautiful inside and out, with make-up or without. Personally I prefer her without make-up. As for her professionalism I was unaware that caring and bringing people together with a shining smile was unprofessional. Chewing gum? Yes, I chew gum I am a gum-aholic. I have been in the business for thirty years plus, I have worked in numerous salons in which none have been quiet. Have you been in one lately? There are blow dryers constantly going, people talking, water running, phones ringing, music playing, and at our salon we prefer the music loud. This is because by two o’clock in the afternoon we have had fifty people through the salon already where you must always be on your game. When we start to think we are not going to make the rest of the afternoon, my beautiful partner that I also like to refer to as the Dancing Queen, cranks the radio, spins the disco ball and twirls across the salon floor belting a tune out and makes you laugh. Thank you for that Maggie. In case anyone was unaware the atmosphere, which receives abundant thumbs up is to make you feel at home. To feel the warmth and comfort that we care about all that walk through the front door. If you have ever had a conversation with Maggie, which I know most of you have, then you would have felt the warmth I am speaking about. Regardless of what people think and say because we can not make all happy, I love Maggie just as she is and she will remain that way like it or not. I will be there to be her rock and stand by her all the way, all my love to you Maggie. Love, Kathy

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 09:20:02 am

THIS.

THIS is why Kathy & I are partners. There is no need to ever be mean spirited. I love working every day (and trust me, when we are not at the salon together we ARE on the phone or together doing something else) with a woman who shares my values and my enthusiasm.

I love you too, Kathy! I look forward to many years of growing our business far beyond our wildest dreams, with lots of exciting, singing, dancing, vibrant, fabulous clients and staff!

xo

Cate

2/10/2015 12:12:53 am

At least they weren't complaining about the bathroom. ;)

(Love you both!)

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/10/2015 04:54:12 am

Ha!

LOL

xo

Marjie Kemper link

2/9/2015 04:39:47 am

I came over from FB to see what had happened.... I'm so sorry to see Mean Girls Strike. What is with people? This really does sound very middle school. I am so sorry you had to receive that person's message. Love how she claims to be representative og a group - can you imagine how self-important she must be? Be yourself Maggie. You have a ton of friends and fans and being genuine is what it's all about. I love seeing you when I come to the salon and I consider a song a bonus!

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 09:47:17 am

Marjie ~

I love that despite being stuck in a snowy hotel (OK, so you had lots of fun things to create with, but still...) you took the time to write here. I so appreciate it. :-)

I will keep a song in my head JUST for you!

xo

Ellen Brecher

2/9/2015 05:40:11 am

For crying out loud, that woman should get a freaking life.... Isn't it a shame that she will be missing out on the wonderfulness that Back Stage Salon has to offer. I say Pheweeeeeee. Carry on my dear.

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 09:57:22 am

Ellen,

You make me smile!

Phooey, pheweeeeee, indeed!

Consider me carrying on!

xo

Patti

2/9/2015 10:10:16 am

Maggie,
Hi. I do not know you all that well, but I have to say that I felt so hurt for you by what these women had to say that I just had to weigh in. I love your personality!! When I have been in the same place as you, whether it has been a school function, a little league game or wherever, I have loved the way you can make a group of people laugh, how you make someone new to the group or event feel welcomed and, in general, just how friendly and warm you are to everyone. I have often thought you would make a great professional comedian, which is how funny I think you are. I see you as a warm, loving and dedicated mom who has volunteered a ton of time to the schools, the PTA, chatities, etc. etc. I have not gone to your salon because my hairdresser has been doing my hair for 20 years now, but I would love for anyone in the salon to break out in a dance or sing. How fun would that be!!! Like I said before, I don't know you all that well, but I do know you well enough to know that you are a wonderful woman, full of love, warmth, caring, and a big personality. Why anyone would think that their opinions of you should be taken seriously or lose their business, then good riddance to them. They clearly have unresolved issues of their own that need attending to, and, like Sue said, are like the mean girls in highschool. Unbelievable!!!! God made you the beautiful person you are and I hope you never change.

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/9/2015 11:12:25 am

Oh dear Patti,

Thank you. We do have a good time. And the 3:00 song of the day is the highlight, I can assure you.

If you ever want to just come in for a blow dry, I can promise you a song and a dance.

xo

Chris Menocal

2/9/2015 11:17:44 am

I can honestly honestly say that I live by the "do unto others" rule to the best of my ability. I try too avoid the negativity that I at times find deplorable. As hard as it is sometimes, I try to live positive but have struggled most of my life with why some people never seemed to "like" me. My mom gave me sound advice my whole life but it took me the better part of 47 years to internalize this one "What other people think about me is none of my business"

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/10/2015 04:47:18 am

Chris,

EXACTLY. Which is why I think I am so calm about all this nonsense, Women do so much better by lifting each other up.

xo

Tricia Molloy

2/9/2015 11:46:02 am

Sputtering with anger and indignation and sorrow that these persnickety small minded women would complain about the very qualities that make you shimmer with love from your big open heart.

Spitting in outrage that these women seek to impose their own controlling expectation on a place where woman come to relax and take care of themselves, a place where woman relax their guard and accept the care lavished upon them. A place that is best freed from the 'shoulds' and rigid expectations.

And finally, on my knees scrubbing the kitchen floor because it needed it and I needed to expend my dark anger, I felt such sadness for these women who live such constrained lives that they could not open themselves to the joy and bright radiating embrace of life that shines from you. I still want to kick their oh-so-restrained-and-appropriate asses for daring to try to dent the spirit of a woman who pours love outward and feels so deeply inward that I know those words HURT.

You and are music people, lyric people, so it's in music we find our release and our replenishment. What I hear in my head and my heart for you right now is Katy Perry's "Roar:"

I used to bite my tongue and hold my breath
Scared to rock the boat and make a mess
So I sat quietly, agreed politely
I guess that I forgot I had a choice
I let you push me past the breaking point
I stood for nothing, so I fell for everything

You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Already brushing off the dust
You hear my voice, you hear that sound
Like thunder gonna shake the ground
You held me down, but I got up (HEY!)
Get ready 'cause I’ve had enough
I see it all, I see it now

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/10/2015 04:53:27 am

Ah Trish-a-La ~

Fighting for me just like a sister!

It hurt for about a nano-second - I'm serious.

My very first comment to Kathy was ,"Not my circus. Not my monkey's." But then I realized in so many ways it IS my circus, cause you know, I own the place.

That's when I got eerily calm. (It's an almost frightening thing to witness.)

And yes, there are a myriad of songs to convey this - and Katy's is a perfect pick.

I should have scrubbed my floor now that I think about it!

xo

Jane

2/9/2015 08:42:26 pm

They can try to take you down and the people will raise you up! 💖💓💞💜👣💌

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/10/2015 04:48:29 am

And my sisters will be at the top of the list of people raising me up.

xo

Deirdre

2/10/2015 03:20:28 am

Mags I learned this early on down the road of being a mother to my special guy Ryan....

Be who you and say what you think (feel),
Cause those who mind, don't matter
And those who matter don't mind
-- Dr. Suess

Maggie ~ TGHR

2/10/2015 04:56:03 am

Ah Dee ~

And a world without Ryan would be OH so dull! You're a lucky woman to have such fantastic men in your world.

Dr. Seuss makes everything whimsically better.

xo

Strong Women

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