Worthy

1/23/2013

artwork: http://kellyraeroberts.com/

I don't believe there is a person on the planet who doesn't feel unworthy at some point in their lives. It's when that feeling remains with us that we get into all kinds of emotional trouble.

I have spent parts of my life feeling unworthy. It can last for a l-o-n-g while, or it can be fleeting.

Thanks to some great therapy and deep inner work, it tends to be more fleeting these days.

My mother, a very wise woman (I can so easily write those words at 51, those words would never have been typed as a teenager...) says to think about our friends as a mirror. Go ahead. ll give you a second...

Now, what do you like about them? Admire about them? Love about them? What makes you laugh when you're with them? You got all that?

THAT'S what they love about you. I KNOW! It's such a simple concept and yet one we have such a hard time grasping. It's phenomenal what happens to our inner voice when we give ourselves credit for being worthy and lovable and fun.

It hit me square on the head when I was walking this fall and Melissa Etheridge's song, "Heaven on Earth" came on my iPod.

These lines stopped me right in the middle of the path:
Open up your eyes
I'll show you what your worth

They literally took my breath away. Why is it someone else can show me what I'm worth? Why can't I look in the mirror and see the same thing? Why did it take two lines from a song to make me step back and examine the self talk I was constantly having? I still have no idea why, but, they did help me change the way I think about myself and I am proud to say, that 99% of the time, I AM WORTHY. I believe it. I walk it. I talk it.

So, think about this today and KNOW - YOU ARE WORTHY!

Lyrics HERE.

6 Comments

Sheila

1/23/2013 12:38:49 am

Love that. Wish we could find a way to teach our kids that when they are young....

Maggie

1/23/2013 12:42:48 am

Sheila ~

I am VERY Fortunate - both of my kids feel worthy all the time. We have worked really hard to make it happen. Sometimes it borders on arrogance or cockiness or just plain annoying - BUT, I would much rather they feel good about themselves than feel unworthy.

Just keep telling your kids how amazing they are; they'll figure it out.

xo

Katya link

1/24/2013 08:02:49 am

Those lines in the song are amazing. As is this post. As is this site. As are you. Thank you for sharing this.

Maggie

1/24/2013 08:45:54 am

Thank YOU Katya! That's high praise from you; I appreciate it.

xo

Meredith

1/25/2013 09:33:27 am

May I speak for a moment as a family therapist? A role I don't function in as much now, but did for 30 years, and your mother wants me to function in again. No retirement for me.

Feelings of not being worthy are in the family of feelings known as shame. Everyone has to have a little built in shame so that we are appropriate citizens of the human family, and don't go projecting all our negativity onto others for them to carry in our place. Healthy shame is a good thing. It keeps us humble.

But toxic shame, which is what Maggie's describing, keeps us small when we have bigger lives to lead, greater things to do, and a whole world out there to explore. My point is that there IS a way to make sure kids don't grow up feeling unworthy.

Understand that they need a healthy dose of humility so they have a sense of themselves in relation to others (not more important or less important). Make sure that's instilled. Beyond that, don't shame them for their flaws; we all have them.

Don't shame them for their dreams; it's not ours to know what their destiny is. Don't shame them for who they are; some kids are great athletes, and some are great scholars, and some are artists or musicians. Find their particular talents and gifts, support them in a healthy way (don't overplay, don't underplay). Let them unfold in their own way, at their own time and pace.

If they're getting a little big for their britches, ratchet them down a notch. Kindly. If they're holding back, encourage them. Kindly. I don't know a kid who won't ultimately thank you for this.

Toxic shame has no place in a healthy family, but be sure healthy shame (keeping them right-sized) always has a place at your table. Then, when they're ready to fly, they won't do so at the expense of anyone else. They'll do it for themselves, because it's what's encoded in their DNA.

And you, parents, will have done your job brilliantly.

Love to all!

Maggie

1/25/2013 10:53:03 pm

Thank you Meredith for your insight. It is so greatly appreciated!

xo

Worthy

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